Miles Apart

Eight months and nine days. Another 24 days to go before D returns from HK, on Xmas eve.

Yes, he came home for a week each in May and Sept.

And yes, I did spend time with him in June (16 days), Aug (5 days) and September (7 days).

But I suppose after each visit, I simply dread having to say our goodbyes with lots of hugs and kisses. And it takes a few days to return to reality and consciously stop the numbness of renewed separation from taking over me. And I know D feels likewise, but he is alot stronger than me.

Perhaps it would have been easier if we didn't do so many things together which resulted in some kind of routine in our lives. In this way, I could simply begin a whole new set of routines and not miss D or the things that we would usually do.

Alternative realities... countless possibilities but things never turn out the way we expect.

These past few months have been a sort of self-discovery for me. I realised certain things about myself and as much as I wouldn't want to go through this entire experience again, I am still thankful for it.

SELF-DISCOVERY 101: (not in any particular order)

1. Keep busy by working hard

2. Being alone is not that scary, it just takes some getting used to

3. Hanging out with friends and their young children can be

fun and worthwhile

4. Sufficient hours of sleep is much easier to achieve

5. Visit places or do things which I would not have done if D is around

(e.g. taking the plane by myself; killing a baby cockroach)

6. Use Skype as a free communication tool together with

MSN messenger

7. Begin and maintain a twice or thrice-weekly gym routine

8. Start a blog page like this

9. Speak to God more frequently

10. Spend time by myself

I like to think that our relationship have grown to be stronger at the end of these nine months. In the meantime, I am waiting for D to return so that we can begin another stage in our lives. Whether it's career, kids, grow old together, all these are in His good hands. I can't wait to know how things turn out in the next chapter of our lives.

Travels

Sigh, it's that time of the year that I wish I am on another holiday or road trip. The best times of my life are when I am exploring another country, learning about the people, its history and culture. I love to travel, it's just the flying that I hate.

"It will be swell if you could get a posting in Spain," I told my better half, D, who is now working in HK.

"Why?" he asked.

"So I can visit the place, see its sights ... it will be cool to live there for some time," I replied with Gaudi and cute matadors floating in my mind.

"Or maybe, you can see if there is an opening in NYC," I continued, dreaming. "It will be easier to see the Niagara, or visit C (my best friend) in Vancouver again".

"How about going for a short trip to Ko Samui, or should we return to Mauritius again? I need my tan," I droned on.

"Whatever, just put it in your long list of places to visit. Let me know again when you finally decide," D replied noncomittantly.

So in the meantime, I will just dream on and return to my times in the countries I had visited via these links and pics.

Northern Thailand Road Trip on our bike (2002): Trip Report: http://www.geocities.com/SingVfr/ftbs.htm Pictures:http://community.webshots.com/album/57252823ZuCegt; http://community.webshots.com/album/57252838xqbIMD Mauritus Honeymoon (2002): http://community.webshots.com/album/41683594PLBsaq; http://community.webshots.com/album/41687858YXwnzQ Vancouver Trip (2000): Trip Report: http://www.geocities.com/SingVfr/triprpt.html

A Time for Everything (Ecc 3:1)

This is one of those days when the heart seems to weigh a ton, the lungs constrict and the mind just rewinds and playbacks memories in technicolour. I suppose human experiences are a series of separations and farewells, some are happy ones whilst others are difficult and mostly upsetting.

But, without living from one separation/farewell to another, we will not be enriched nor learnt from the lives of those who have entered and made an impression in our lives. It is in this that we truly thrive and hopefully, the good in the other person will rub onto us, making us better people.

The verse in the title was shared by a remarkable lady this morning, whom I have known for the past 3 years. I have learnt much from her, and unknown to her, she has been a mentor to me, in my teaching and spiritual life.

She has shown and led by example, always hard at work, always willing to listen, never ceased to turn to God for guidance and make the correct, but sometimes painful, decisions for the greater good.

Indeed, there is a time for everything, and even though it is with a tinge of sadness that she will be moving on to another stage in her life, it has been an honour to serve under her.

Mrs D Ong, thanks for the opportunity to learn from you and you deserve a good rest. God bless.

Cardio Spikes

Sunday, it's one of those days when the body, mind and soul simply resist to wake up.

It's like the Body telling the Mind, "You wake up first."

"Why don't you wake up first?" answered the Mind.

"How about both of us waking up Soul?" conspired the Mind.

"I'm still sleeping, I'm in the zone...." muttered Soul.

My best friend, who now has the fortunate role of being my soulmate for life, had given me a stern lesson on the art of relaxation. He could just chill out in front of the TV or laze around on the couch without feeling a tinge of guilt. I would be moving around ceaselessly... housework, packing, cleaning, working because it seemed like the right thing to do, the most effective use of time. Sitting down and doing nothing seemed to be a total waste of time. But to him, the time is used wisely, and he would launch into how his body, mind and soul are more coordinated and in tune and hence his total being is more prepared for the mad rush during the work week.

I have yet to master that "zen" thing, it seems like a concentrated effort to just take a break from work once in a while. But, I may have found the perfect combination by going to the gym.

I am pretty religious when it comes to the gym, visiting it twice or thrice a week for about ninety minutes each session. It's the place for me to "zone out", going through my cardio, weights and resistance systematically. Correct breathing techniques, increasing or decreasing the weights and resistance levels, mustering the muscles to push or contract ... It's like I am still occupied with something, but relaxes me because I am not exactly working, that thing which brings in the dough and supports my monthly gym payments.

I can be going through the Nautilus or Cybex machines, without my body even thinking about it. Or my legs are moving frantically on the Eliptical Runner, but my mind is running off somewhere. My arms could be lifting all those weights, but my soul is comtemplating Life's "whys" and "why nots".

Looking around, I wonder if my fellow gym mates are doing the same things as I. For all the things that we do there, what are we training for? Are we going to run the next marathon, or climb Everest? I doubt it, but perhaps all the marathons or mountains that we attempt are in our minds. Or maybe we are just training for the next gym session...

Original Spin

I should be doing my report but have decided that spilling my words here would be more exciting.

Had gone to watch Shark Tale with my pupils in the morning, came back to school to hound my boys to do a survey before sitting through a long long meeting in the afternoon. Ate a great Soba and Unagi dinner with colleagues, followed by an Original Spin at the nearby Spinelli, a coffee joint. The caffeine in me isn't really perking me up... and I suppose I am now in my "screensaver mode", and there is that darn report to do... sigh.

"What do you intend to do for Xmas Eve," asked my better half, who is currently working in HK.

"Not sure, we could go to church for the Candlelight Service, or maybe the next day," I replied, mentally counting down the days and weeks when he will be back home.

"Why, you want to hang out with the guys is it?" I asked, hoping he will say no.

And of course, we still don't know what we will be doing that day. This island that I live in seems to be lacking in things to do. Other than converging on the main shopping district in town to see the Xmas lightup, going to clubs, pubs, cafes with friends or doing the religious thing, there isn't much to do.

Or is it just a matter of spoilt for choice?

Or perhaps we don't have the thanksgiving tradition, huddling around the fireplace during the cold winter nights or having snow fights.

Living in the tropics, it's quite difficult to fathom all that. But the Hollywood movies during each Xmas seasons have somehow filled my tropical, sunkissed mind with mismash concepts or ideals about what Xmas should be. Interesting how images, sounds and impressions change or mould a person's interpretation of what something should be.

Maybe we will just stay home to watch TV and be "bombarded" with more images and impressions and asked the same questions the following xmas.