"Here By Me" (By 3 Doors Down)

I hope you're doing fine out there without me 'Cos I'm not doing so good without you. The things I thought you'd never know about me Were the things I guess you always understood

So how could I have been so blind for all these years?

Guess I only see the truth though all this fear,

And living without you

CHORUS:

And everything I have in this world

And all that I'll never be

It could all fall down around me.

Just as long as I have you,

Right here by me

I can't take another day without you

'Cos baby, I could never make it on my own

I've been waiting so long, just to hold you

And to be back in your arms where I belong

Sorry I can't always find the words to say

But everything I've ever known gets swept away

Inside of your love

Repeat Chorus

As the days grow long I see

That time is standing still for me

When you're not here

Sorry I can't always find the words to say

Everything I've ever known gets swept away

Inside of your love

Repeat Chorus

Maybe I should be listening to happier songs, sappy and sentimental ones aren't helping.

The song "Here By Me" by 3 Doors Down basically sums up my feelings right now. It's just one of those crappy days when the distance between D and I gets into me quite abit. It's a measly 2 weeks apart compared to the hideous 9 months separation we had in 2004.

D, I miz u lots.

And when I am in one of my pensive moods, I think a bit deeper for both of us, maybe slightly more for me.

I feel like I am neither here nor there when D isn't here besides me... it feels kinda odd that I am physically in this apartment called "home", but I somewhat feel I am not at home. It's a different feeling unlike our little den in HK which feels homely and cosy; the HK home has our love, care and attention. Whereas this one in S'pore... I feel like I am a guest, maybe even an intruder stepping back into a different life. Perhaps it's because this is more like my mother-in-law's domain; it's more like we are staying with her, and not the other way round. Afterall she has been staying here much longer than I have, and all its decor and the entire system of managing this place is done according to her way.

So maybe it's the sum of all things... I really don't know if I could return to such a life if D and I return to S'pore. It's good to know there is quite a big roof over our heads and we are fortunate that we have a domestic helper in S'pore 'cos of my D's mum. Frankly, I would give that all up, live in a smaller place and clean the place myself, as long as it's our personal space just for the 2 of us (and kids when they come along).