Miles Apart

Eight months and nine days. Another 24 days to go before D returns from HK, on Xmas eve.

Yes, he came home for a week each in May and Sept.

And yes, I did spend time with him in June (16 days), Aug (5 days) and September (7 days).

But I suppose after each visit, I simply dread having to say our goodbyes with lots of hugs and kisses. And it takes a few days to return to reality and consciously stop the numbness of renewed separation from taking over me. And I know D feels likewise, but he is alot stronger than me.

Perhaps it would have been easier if we didn't do so many things together which resulted in some kind of routine in our lives. In this way, I could simply begin a whole new set of routines and not miss D or the things that we would usually do.

Alternative realities... countless possibilities but things never turn out the way we expect.

These past few months have been a sort of self-discovery for me. I realised certain things about myself and as much as I wouldn't want to go through this entire experience again, I am still thankful for it.

SELF-DISCOVERY 101: (not in any particular order)

1. Keep busy by working hard

2. Being alone is not that scary, it just takes some getting used to

3. Hanging out with friends and their young children can be

fun and worthwhile

4. Sufficient hours of sleep is much easier to achieve

5. Visit places or do things which I would not have done if D is around

(e.g. taking the plane by myself; killing a baby cockroach)

6. Use Skype as a free communication tool together with

MSN messenger

7. Begin and maintain a twice or thrice-weekly gym routine

8. Start a blog page like this

9. Speak to God more frequently

10. Spend time by myself

I like to think that our relationship have grown to be stronger at the end of these nine months. In the meantime, I am waiting for D to return so that we can begin another stage in our lives. Whether it's career, kids, grow old together, all these are in His good hands. I can't wait to know how things turn out in the next chapter of our lives.